Wednesday, October 20, 2010

9-7-10

9-7-10

Yesterday the card was Manifestation, a reminder that everything I was dreaming up was on its way to coming true. So I decided to not be too worried about things with my MM not being exactly what I want them to be. I saw a quote: Love asks, "What’s possible here?"Fear asks, "What’s not possible here?" and decided to live in faith instead of fear that soon he would see a love for me that I see for him, that he can let go of the negative emotions associated with me and remember the good ones of when we first met and the good ones we are having now. I thought maybe I can show him that I can take care of him too and he could appreciate and want me in his life as he does "the wife" so I went out and went glasses shopping for him. He texted me all day and I felt bad that he had to work on a holiday but at the same time I was proud of him and his work ethic, again another trait like I was raised with back home.

I had several conversations with other friends yesterday too. One a friend who is out of work and in really bad shape financially. He has gotten himself into such a state of anxiety he doesn't see all the money making opportunities around him. I have seen many and tried to show him, he just says that's not enough I need MORE than that. But I tell him when you have nothing and you see something pick it up and keep going. I finally came up with this: You need a loaf of bread and you asked God for it, he is giving you pieces of bread, and sometimes pieces of pieces of bread...if you'd pick these up you'd have a whole loaf soon enough. But he is so distraught he can't see it right now, he is going to stay in his downward spiral a bit longer I am sad to say....

Next I talked to a friend who had been at a family party the day before and was insulted and decided to leave. This friend has been mentally abused by his family for most of his life, he recently has been hanging out with me and soaking up some of the positive energy that I have created in my life, most notably with the SpiritStones and other things I am working on to grow emotionally and spiritually. I asked him if he felt better and he said yes but he also felt sad as no one had reached out to him. They are probably in shock I told him, you never stood up for yourself before give it time.....I left him to think about this some and a while later he said.....I hope the cake I took tasted good to them since I didn't get any of it. I don't know, I told him, but I am sure it didn't taste as good as the self respect you are going to feel in the long run. I like that he said! Ahhh another friend steps out of the negative energy field and into the light! yay!

The next friend I spoke to was telling me a story about going down the shore and watching the fireworks with a female friend, the two of them have been spending a lot of time together this summer, I am quite pleased with that. I recall her mentioning him to me at an event earlier this spring and got a vibe that she may be interested in him as more than a friend..... So I asked him how was it and he was telling me a story about how there were kids there and instead of watching the fireworks they kept begging to go on the beach. What a shame he said of them not being present to the moment. I thought to myself here he was telling me he's lonely and wants a girlfriend and he has one there with him watching the fireworks and instead he's not paying attention to her and instead others around him. I think there's a lesson there for you too I gently told him, he didn't understand but I just said think about it someday when you are ready it will come to you.

Then I spoke to yet another friend who had some complaints about meetup and how there is so much drama there and gossip and how negative people join. They cautioned me about becoming too immersed in the drama and I thanked them for that. But I find that I spend less and less time going to events and more and more one on one time with friends, or a small group of select friends. It’s not to say there is no value in the big groups, in meeting new people, changing it up. But do I really want to sit at anymore singles events, the vibe of loneliness and desperation permeating the room? No! Do I want to go to yet another happy hour and sit and all there is to talk about sometimes is how hard life and work is? That's another thing about my MM I love so much, he works really really hard, two jobs right now, gets little sleep, and from what he said Sunday still has to go home and take care of a lot of things. But he seldom complains or feels sorry for himself, he just shrugs it off, is grateful for what he has and gets up every day despite how he feels and does what has to be done to feed the children...this is a quote from a poem from Oriah Mountain Dreamer, a poem I put on my vision board when I did my attract your soulmate workshop.

Lastly I spoke to another friend who we are doing a self improvement course together. Or rather he is talking me through one he already did. But this time, like every time anymore instead of gentle encouragement, praise for how far I have come thus far....all I get is criticism and negativity. And he doesn't even see it! I have tried a thousand times to get him to see that he is pushing me away with his negativity; he doesn’t even see it as negative. He sees it as me not wanting to work hard on myself; he says I have made NO progress! He really can't be looking I tell myself because I know I have made a lot of progress. I am getting agitated again just typing these words...no its time for me to steer clear of this friend for awhile, until I am at such a level of peace that no one can shake it. My new self love and increased self assurednes hasn’t taken deep enough root that it can survive the torrential rain of his criticism. I wish he could see my ever increasing halo of good energy and bask in it, use it to raise his own vibration, to increase his own light but it’s just not going that way at all.

I recall reading The Celestine Prophecy a few years back and I think that book describes it best of all how our energy fields work and how if two people in good vibrations come together then the vibration rises even higher, much like bringing two candle flames together. But if you bring a strong one next to a weak one the weak one can drain the strong one and even put it out! Again this is the beauty of my MM, not only does he have the old fashioned values, the work ethic that I was raised with, the kindness and gentleness of spirit, but we truly raise each other;s vibrations and bring good things to one another. He is my saving grace and I am his as well, we can be strong for each other, we can take care of each other, and we can raise each other up. He also grounds me when I get too wound up with all my spiritual stuff, brings me back to earth so to speak, the Reiki and working with the stones as I said really raises my vibration, sometimes almost manic too much thought not enough rest, not enough non--productive play time, if I am not careful I can go into overload. I find it no coincidence that this summer’s really strong energy days of growth and evolution, each one of those I spent with him. No he's the one I belong with for the rest of my days I am certain of that, Vermont is looking better and better to me, a place like home, a place I can make home.... he and I still have a lot of work to do here that move will be gradual, I am still needed here in NJ/NYC but like I said it will be a good place to be when my roaming overworked heart is weary and ready for rest. I need to earn more money now, to build this business too and have an income and security for us and our future. He’s worked hard and went without I want to bring him ease in his older years. I may never get him to marry me, I know he doesn’t have the good examples of that in his life but who needs a ring and a commitment when we have a bond like this? Sure I still hope for that but it too isn’t as important to me, not as important as he is. I have dated many men in my 50 years but no one holds a candle to his halo......This morning’s card was surrender and release and the outlaw poet was posting of putting up walls...I am surrendering and releasing those things which do not raise my vibration and I put up walls of protection, but walls that have plenty of doors and windows to let love in.........

Who in your life raises your vibration and who lowers it? Are there family, friends or lovers you need some walls and healthy boundaries with? It’s very important to share but truly you must protect yourself and let in only those who help you, who can see the glory of who you are instead of drag you down by pointing out what is still ugly about yourself. It's time to raise the vibration of this planet, and the only way to do that is through love and kindness in thought, word and deed to those around us and to ourselves......



With Love and in the Light, Cassie

Halo 
Beautiful Soul

The Invitation by Oriah www.oriahmountaindreamer.com/

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.
It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love for your dream for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon...
I want to know if you have touched
the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life’s betrayals
or have become shriveled and closed
from fear of further pain.
I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us to be careful to be realistic
to remember the limitation of being human.
It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me
is true. I want to know if you can
disappoint another to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence. I want to know
if you can live with failure yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”
It doesn’t interest me to know where you live
or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.
It doesn’t interest me who you know or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back.
It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like
the company you keep in the empty moments.

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