8-30-10 Learning Patience

Learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human experience. But never again use another person's body or emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings. ~Elizabeth Gilbert Eat, Pray, Love

8-30-10   Learning Patience

Monday and New Love is the card of the day humm I wonder what this will bring and then I am reminded of the above quote by Elizabeth Gilbert. The card means that either I am going to meet a new person or that the angels are working on the one I currently have (or sort of have on loan). I am feeling a bit used by him he's not getting what he wants at home so he uses me to get it but is making no move to change things, never said he would, as a matter of fact said he's not, not now anyway. For me though I think it means I am going to be alone some more, leave the love to be worked on by the angels, and instead work even more on loving myself. I can't expect my ex-boyfriend to come back to me or any other man and satisfy all this need for love that I have inside me. Sure we all need one another, that is God's design, and he did mean for us to be paired. I love the stories of twin flames and totally believe we all have one, and my ex-boyfriend is mine but I know that it could be another lifetime before he chooses me, or rather does the work he needs to do on himself to be with me. And truly we must love ourselves so much first that no one's absence can rob us of our joy. So I must continue onward on my path and keep doing the work.

I did read the chapter on Intuition from Rhonda's book last night and learned a good deal from it, namely some thoughts on how to distinguish the inner voice of God from the inner voice of fear. I made note of the exercises and will need to utilize them moving forward whenever I do get a message or thought come up. One of the main points she made though is that a true voice of intuition is not forced, it just comes to you in silence. I do know that I talk too much, assume too much, seek too many readings and don't listen enough. This I am setting as my intention to work on. I called Vic to discuss the chapter and discuss the part of when I feel I get signs and hear the angles whispering to me, he really didn't have much on that but he did say --40 days Cass why can't you give this 40 days and leave your ex-boyfriend alone to think. Quit trying to make everything happen in your time and sit back and let God bring it to you in his perfect timing, whoever or whatever that may be. Your man your home all of it. He reminded me of telling him earlier about my intuition about his ex-girlfriend and prodding him to try and communicate with her, he almost did he said on Saturday but decided to stay true to himself and not make anything happen, if we are meant to meet and talk it will happen on its own he said.

He then brought up 10-10-10. Now my really close friends know that 3 yrs ago, that fall when I broke up with my ex-BF and started dating again I set my intention that the date I want to get married is 10-10-10. I was intrigued with friends who got married on 7-7-07 and 8-8-08. So Deborah and I were walking in New Hope one day buying gauzy hippie dresses and incense and talking about spiritual things and this is the date I came up with. So he brought that up again saying it’s just a date it means nothing don't build up hopes on your own timing. I don't I told him, sure it’s a request but if nothing happens nothing happens, I will go on. Heck unless I get an engagement ring for my birthday, which is just two weeks away, it just ain't gonna happen! I don't even have a dinner date for my birthday! I asked my ex-BF if we could celebrate together, his is exactly 3 weeks after mine, but he didn't reply to that e-mail. He also didn't reply to the one I sent when I got all excited to notice I had registered the domain for CassiesCalendar on his birthday in 06, just 3 weeks before our first official date (although we had been talking since July) and he's the social one, if I made that place for anyone it was for him (and all the others who enjoy it and making friends there). Dates just have importance because we give them importance, God doesn’t even have a calendar!

But anyway I just counted and saw that 40 days from Wed the 1st is 10-10-10. 40 days is how many Jesus wandered off to pray in the dessert, 40 days is how long lent is, 40 days seems to be a real significant number when it comes to working on things, pondering, quiet time of reflection and all that jazz....So I am going to make that commitment to myself and not ponder or seek readings or do anything to make anything happen with what I want with him. If he calls and it suits me I will see him but I am not going to read anything into anything or hope for anything. I am going to be still and know who my God inside me is. I have no idea who I am going to marry, just because all the signs pointed me back to my ex-boyfriend doesn't mean I am meant to be with him, it could be I was pointed back to learn something, and to teach him something and this was all it was meant to be or all it can be. I have no idea what his final choice is going to be or when the time is up on his limited time offer. I don't know I just don't. In the end all I have is the reality of today to live in and the reality is I am alone. I can't pay all of my mortgage payment or my heating bill so I paid a portion to both. I need to help my son by loving him and guiding him into manhood and responsible choices and I need to keep working on myself, emotionally and physically. Today that is all I know. Tomorrow if I need to know more God will reveal it to me.

So for today, I may not have a love of my own, or a new home by the bay or a cabin by a lake..But I haven’t lost this old house by the river yet. I can sit here and wait and meditate and see what else I need to learn before it releases me to the new life I want and belong in. I can put my SpiritStones in the water here, the energy from them will eventually make it to the sea. I can work and wait and practice patience. My Dad always used to say to me, much to my annoyance, patience is the prudence of all success guess it’s time I figure out what the heck that means! LOL

Today, let go......let go and let God work, let God speak. Just be quiet, patient, listening.........he will answer us and perfect all that concerns us. But he can't get his message through if we are running around in our heads all the possible scenarios, answering our own questions in a variety of different ways ourselves.........Be still, meditate, and wait.........wait in JOYFULL hope....

With Love and in the Light, Cassie

Guns N Roses 
Patience