8-27-10

8-27-10

Rejection, that seems to be my theme of the day. What a toughie too! I made a deal with Vic that he would stop nagging me to read Change Your Life in 30 days if I would read and do the exercises in just ONE chapter that he felt was important for me to do. I promised him I would and put it off for three days but last night I finally got around to reading it. Of course he had to pick the hardest one of all for me! This is what you get when you reveal your inner self to a soul mate friend, they call you out on it, they sand paper that blemish, and nag you (hopefully gently) to work on it until you finally do.

So I read the chapter and I saw myself in it far too clearly, like looking in a mirror! Or more accurately like someone had wiped away the smoke build up that I had blown across the mirror to hide it from myself. I made it through the chapter though and got to the questions at the end. First they were identifying when I feel rejected. Was it at the office? By my family? Socially? No to all of those, sure I had experienced some times of rejection in my life in all of those areas but I had evolved through most of those, some took far longer than others, some took a lot of lessons some were easier. My most recent one was the dealing with and working through the rejection of my father. But I did it, I no longer felt worthless and unlovable and I forgave him.

But I did see the two areas I still needed work on: Me rejecting myself, and me getting so upset about being rejected by Men. Now again I love myself on pretty much every level except for two. One is my body image, sure I did do some work on that one this summer and made some progress but I still cringe when I see myself in pictures taken of myself. Ugh I think and here you thought you looked good in that outfit OMG what's going to go first? The fat or your eyesight totally so you don't have to see it? It's a toss up at my current snail’s pace of weight loss! ha! I canceled my Sensi account because after three weeks of menus I have yet to find any recipe on there that sounds like something I actually want to prepare and to  eat. And after a week of carting my bike around in my car and never taking it out to ride I did take it out and put it away, I needed the trunk space and vowed to put it right back in on Monday------it's Friday and it's still in the house. What a lazy ass loser I am right? Sheeeseee I'm not giving up though, that bike is going back in the car sometime this weekend and I am going somewhere to ride it. And so what it rained most of the week that's why I didn't walk but its going to be a lovely weekend...

So the questions then were name 5 ways that you are going to handle the rejection in a healthy way or something like that, I don't have the book in front of me at the moment (I still want to burn in). The most important one I think at the moment is the one about men, the me rejecting myself is a result of that and one I can work on after this one is tackled. Yes I think I need to learn to handle rejection by men, the search for love first and the rest are going to be quicker to resolve....I think....we will see. Even as I type this I am thinking if I didn't reject myself then men wouldn’t be as likely to reject me..

But I actually have a very real possibility of being rejected this weekend by a man so let’s work on that one. The last I heard from my ex-BF was Tuesday evening, he was going to let me know about this weekend and when we could get together, I had said let me pray about it as I posted earlier this week. Well I did and I decided on yes and I texted him wed around noon........that was like 46 and a half hours ago as I type this, and he always prided himself on his follow-ups....I got a sinking feeling, and also some signs that I just may not hear from him. I realize that the feeling I have could be my own worries and fears coming out, I realize the "signs" I am getting could be real ones or they could be ones that I created in my own head out of my own residual dysfunction in this area. Regardless I can take this opportunity to think of 5 ways that I am going to handle this if it does happen.

One: I am not going to fall into depression, I am going to remain happy or find things to do with myself that will bring me happiness.
Two: I am not going to use this as an excuse to indulge myself in unhealthy ways like eating sweets and laying on the couch on a beautiful day watching romantic movies and crying (oh yeah I have done this MANY times)
Three: I am not going to go out and buy myself something to make myself feel better
Four: I am going to do some exercising by riding my bike and taking a walk or hike either alone or with friends and enjoy this nice weather predicted.
Five: I am going to trust in God and myself that no matter what happens I am going to be OK, this is not a defect of mine it could just be not the right person, or not the right timing everything happens for a reason and I am not going to question my faith because of a set back

OK this sounds good so far, let me try it and see what happens. If I don't get rejected this weekend by my ex-BF I still have made a plan and given myself some ideas for the future and I can also work on the what do I do when I reject myself.........this is a BIG topic for me, I bet for many, so let the journey begin! I think I better research which stones have good energy for this sort of thing too and charge up some SpiritStones to keep in my pockets!

What about you? When have you felt rejected? What ways did or could you handle that are good for you? Make a list..........let’s get to work on this, learn how to face it because rejection is ALWAYS going to be a part of your life, the difference is whether you are going to handle it in healthy or unhealthy ways........just don't give up!

With Love and in the Light, Cassie

Wadda Ya Want From Me?

OK need a re-write already!! Was talking to Vic and saying I gotta go I got to go get my lunch, I will get it and call you back.......He's there saying now don't buy cookies, no cookies, no cookies....That's the wrong thing to say to me that just makes me want a cookie and I hadn't thought of if before! sheeesee is he not paying attention to all the Law of Attraction stuff I have been trying to teach HIM?

and then I realized what I had just done......UGH! so a rewrite:

One: I am going to remain happy or find things to do with myself that will bring me joy and laughter.
Two: I am going to research some recipes for healthy sweets to satisfy my cravings and I am going to do something fun, and with others, active and outdoors.
Three: I am going to read a book, or go to a yard sale or clean out a closet, or get rid of some "fat" clothes and see what "skinny" clothes I can now start to fit into or hang out as a goal to fit into.

There, that's better....You CAN teach while you are learning (I proved that one year by cramming a whole semesters worth of Calculus into a week and passing by helping out a study group)...it's actually a very good way to learn!
And besides, what you want for yourself you should give to another......

((HUGS)) Cassie