8-20-10

So Wednesday I declared that I was going to re-design my life. And weight loss and better eating habits has been an intention of mine for some time now. I did start off in February and lost 25 lbs in 8 weeks...but the next 6 months it was a struggle to loose an additional 5! I really did kinda sorta cheat too out the gate and took some Chinese herbal diet pills I got in China Town. It was great and I lost weight easily as promised, however after a time they stopped working for me. So right after writing that last blog I checked my e-mail at work and the current announcements and found this great deal from my company:

Sensei offers budget friendly meal plans that provide foods you like on a budget you’ll love. Participate for just $1.99 a month– Sensei is a program that conforms to your unique lifestyle and follows a holistic approach to weight loss and management! Enroll now to take advantage of this Special Offer! For More Information Enroll Visit: www.sensei.com and enter promotion code: JNJ1


So I signed up and am giving that a try! I will let you know how I like it after I have used it for a bit but so far I am quite impressed. I think the only mistake I made so far was using my work e-mail to register as I won't be getting the daily messages when I am off. Gotta change that on Monday....


On Thursday I talked to Vic and he got on my case big time for not reading my change your life in 30 days book the night before. I had been out to dinner with meet-up friends, had dealt with drama all day long and well I just didn't have anything left in me to start working with that book. I promised him that I would do it that night because I was walking with Beth after work and off Friday and would do two chapters then to catch up. No biggie I told him get off my case! LOL Of course Vic never lets anyone off that easy let me tell ya and he went on about several other things I need to work on and I did come to an agreement to change one big thing that is a major distraction in my life. Meet-up drama.


Now I have been a social organizer and event planner going on 10 years now, and I have made thousands of friends, and hundreds of enemies too! In the early days I was so sensitive and got hurt easily and tossed people away easily and their pain caused some of them to lash out. I have been able to rise above that and it's been a real learning and growing experience for me and I have mended I'd say 90% of the relationships that I wanted to mend. But still we are dealing with a lot of people with a lot of baggage and they are always bumping into each other and beating each other up with it and building fortresses with it and throwing barbs back and forth to one another from behind these fortresses. And I being a peacemaker, helper of men, healer of wounds, mother to the masses have always thought it was MY job to help EVERYone. God gave me these talents after all, and it's better to give than receive right?


But as Vic keeps reminding me working on others is just a distraction from working on myself. So I made a vow, that once this big BBQ I am having sat is over I am taking a break and not doing anything meet-up related until after my birthday. 21 days, a close enough time frame to the usual 28 days they say it takes to break a pattern I think. I am not addicted to drama...lets see if that's true. I talked about all this with Beth when we took our walk last night after work, she has been so kind to promise to walk with me and get me started so I can build up stamina to go for walk and hikes this fall with the groups. We did an hour at a steady pace, and we talked about many things and it was good and we are going again Monday.


I came home happy with myself and made myself some dinner and played on the computer. Something reminded me of my ex-BF though and I started to feel sad, then people were contacting me asking questions about the BBQ, and then my microwave broke and that got me in a downward self pity spiral and by the end of the evening my vibration was down, way down. I started looking at personal ads on CL and feeling lonely and found one I thought maybe my ex-BF wrote and that got me into my obsessive thinking pattern and so I read back some of the readings I had gotten done about him and well pretty much just wasted my time on wishes and dreams instead of building possibilities. I realized there was still old luggage in the basement! Good god how freaking deep does this crap go??


So I went to bed very late, too late to do my book and I laid there crying and praying and I said God I really really really am tired of living this same life and going down this same road. I believe that thing I read this morning about my twin flame can not come to me until I am on the right vibration. I have wasted too much time and I have to change NOW before I get another year older please show me what I need to do. And the voice inside me said: Be Happy.

That was it, just Be Happy. I let that sink in there for awhile and as the meaning of it sank in the growing sense of joy in that simple aha moment was amazing. Be Happy. After all don't things generally come to you when you aren't looking and thusly in anxiety? I also recalled the words from Mass..As we wait in joyful hope for the coming of our lord. He doesn't want us to miss him and be sad he wants us to be happy while we are waiting! My ex pretty much told me that too, he hinted that things change but don't wait, be happy, have fun. Really don't people gravitate to happy people and run from miserable ones? And my gawd but being happy isn't that loving myself???

Holy Toledo wow batman I think I got it! I got it! In each and every moment all I have to do is choose happiness. If sitting at yet another boring meet-up wishing a man would talk to me doesn't make me happy then I am not going to participate. That doesn't leave out the fun ones with people I love that do make me happy. Eating a piece of cake may make me happy for about 10 min but after I feel sad that I ate it. Yep Be Happy that's the key!



Today is the first day of the rest of my life, I don't have to wait till September 12th I am giving myslef my birthday present early! I am giving myself happiness today and everyday for the rest of my life. And I am not waiting for anyone else to give me happiness either, heck I am so picky few get the right size or color anyway! No I and only I can give myself the best happiness. Time to stop worrying and obsessing over if my house is going to sell before it falls apart or if I am going to get my ex back or if the 150 people coming to my BBQ tommorow are going to get lost and call me or we run out of toilet paper or hamburger buns. Time to pack up all my cares and woes and toss em!


Ok people check the basement! What else is in there that you still need to toss? Put it out on the curb! Get rid of it! Choose happiness! Don't worry.....Be happy.........

Don't Worry Be Happy

With Love and in the Light, Cassie

PS
and just as a reminder the angel card today was Study--meaning timing is everything, and this card guides you not to rush into action. Instead, enjoy the process of learning. The growth that accompanies an educational experience is enjoyable if we remind ourselves to stay focused on the here-now moment.

Be Happy NOW, don't rush things...