8-22-10

8-22-10

Friday was a busy day getting ready for the big BBQ for my social networking group. As always much hustle and bustle going on. I also showed Jeremy's old room to a guy and he said that he wants it. Only catch is he's on probation, been clean for 2 yrs now but he does get home visits and there can be no booze or drugs here. Great I say I don't use either and I told my son I want nothing on this property at all. I meant it too! Just last week I found him smoking with a friend and was banging my head against a wall. I looked heaven ward and swore "there will be no more drugs on this property ever" and here God was doing something to help me answer that prayer!

I had a talk with my son, and his girlfriend was there too backing me up. I said listen I know that we used to watch "Weeds" together and thought it was kewl, and I know I even told you that I'd rather see you smoke than drink still it's illegal and you must stop. I also said I know I haven't done enough to encourage you to find a career, and that's going to change, but being involved with selling is wrong wrong wrong. I told him you have two paths before you, and you are a man and it's YOUR choice, but one leads to a good life and the other leads to jail. I also threw in the bad karma you get if someone starts this stuff and its the gateway to a life of addiction, that's on your head kid! He half listened to me and I was praying under my breath for help.....and a cop pulled up the driveway! I kid you not! He comes over and asks for my son, I point to the porch.....turns out he was looking for some kids bike and since my son works at Wawa and the cops all know him they thought he may know who stole it....whewww. Even Jeremy said after he left that he was shakin! Good, good and scared, another answer to prayer..

After that I headed out to get a microwave since mine blew up the night before. Ugh! But my bike was in my car, took it out and saw how dirty it was with sand from the shore and decided to go to the car wash first....I got a text from a friend who had an almost new one she was about to freecycle! I had posted on Facebook and she saw it....see needing to wash the car delayed the purchase.... Then I got a text from Mary who wanted to meet for lunch so I said right after I run for a haircut. While getting the haircut I got a text from my ex-BF! That was a shocker after I had sent him that e-mail about not being able to do this anymore...but I did say I'd stay friends...so he texted because he was thinking about the place we had lunch in Vermont. So what the heck I said hey BIG party tomorrow at my house, come and bring anyone you want. I meant it too....no use having bad feelings.....better to be friends than not have him in my life at all. He texted maybe....


So saturday rolls around and there is much hustle and bustle going on at my house getting ready for the big BBQ. We all had a lovely time like we always do, a little drama, again like we always do, and most of all a lot of connections which after all it is all about. I took pictures all day with my phone of the preparations and posted them to face book and had sent a picture of the hot tub being filled with water to my ex-BF enticing him to come, and we were texting all day, and a pic of me with my friends nice Harley and that got his attention asking if he'd let us take it for a spin..I texted back come up and find out! But he called when he got off work and when I said so are ya coming he was like noooooooo, I better not if I come there will be 150 witnesses that I was at your house. I told ya we are only going to be friends I told you that you can bring the kids, even her, you love my parties you really can't come? No he said...I didn't give him grief just said oh well and went back to my party. Mary was here though and said she can feel how sad he felt and wishing he could come but we both agreed it was time for me to forget him and move on with my life and if he wanted me he'd fix the situation and catch up.

On with the party! Eating and dancing and mingling with old and new friends, we had a band and karaoke both! I was surprised to see my Reiki masters husband at the drums, he was back in business all recovered from throat cancer and now with this new just thrown together band. Next I was shocked when Victor asked me to come up and sing a karaoke song with him! That never happened before! But it was fun and I thought nothing of everyone gathering around to watch us, I had recently taken up karaoke singing at his prodding this past spring and it was still a spectacle for my friends amusement! LOL But when our song ended (BonJovi's Now or Never) suddenly they started singing Happy Birthday to me, holding up big painted signs, throwing confetti on me, blowing horns and tossing around balloons! Vic had decided the ONLY way to give me a surprise party was to give it to me three weeks early! He's right about that too. LOL The next day when talking I told him he reminds me of my ex husband, he used to start celebrating my BD way early too, he used to say to me you are so special that you don't deserve just a birth-day you deserve a birth month! Thanks for reminding me of a good memory of him, the bad ones are so awful but truly it's the good ones that God wants us to hold onto.

Sunday was a day of reflection and relaxation. Dealing with the drama, sweeping up of the confetti, heart to hearts with a couple people over the residual drama. As I said, nothing like a big party to stir up emotions, but that too is part of the healing work that needs to be done. One man in particular called to check on whether his girlfriend got home OK. I took the opportunity to talk candidly to him (people get used to this about me or they don't last as my friend for long) I told him that I was disturbed with how he allowed her, and has allowed her, to treat him and push him around and demand things. I said you need to put up some clear boundaries, people only treat you as good as you expect them too. You aren't doing her any favors by allowing her to treat you this way and making excuses for her, and I know you and you are far more valuable than this. That's when he started crying...... I got him pointed back in the right direction again, the one he set out for in the first place and got distracted from.... I think he's going to be alright. I will keep an eye on him that's for sure.

Later that day heading over to meet a friend for dinner who's been ill and needed a talk and an Angel card reading I got a text from my ex-BF. How was the party--awesome I texted they even celebrated my BD early---no reply, then I added: I missed you being here though no matter if u got a thousand friends its never enough w/o the one you want the most--he texted back Yup yer right I feel the same way--I texted back: well we know where to find each other when this life is over, just don't forget that I love you---He texted back: oh dat's so sweet -and then: see you soon, maybe next Friday. I didn't know how to reply to that one so I just left it. I really need to define and communicate this boundary, I gotta do what's right for me not him, but I want to have faith in the signs I have been given (was the card of the day) while living the reality of today..a real balancing act but not an impossible one......Yep it IS my life, it IS now or never and I really aint gonna live forever....or as Vic loves to say to me tick-tock-tick-tock-tick-tock...

Yep life isn't for the broken hearted, the faith departed, live while your alive and don't be just another face in the crowd, shout out loud It's My Life!!!!


With Love and in the Light, Cassie

Its My Life