8-9-10

8-9-10
• Don't take things personally
• Love My Body Now
• Stop Needing Love and Attention
• Get Rid of Abandonment Issues
• Forgive Father
Ok so now that the energies of the Grand Cross that started in June are past and we are moving into a new phase of growth I want to re-cap what I accomplished this summer by putting my intention out there.
The 5 things above are what I asked God to help me with, and some just happened and some he asked me to do things to help with the process. For example the one about Love my body now---he had me go to the nude beach, and it took me more than one visit to get completely bare and totally comfortable with that remember? He also sent me someone to hold my hand and take me there.
For the stop needing love and attention, the whole thing with my ex and being able to accept his caring for me and not getting angry and hurt because he has so little time to give to me due to working two jobs and also having another relationship he is balancing. My reward for that was 4 days of his complete and total attention and companionship. Because I did not demand it, I gave of myself to him, I made myself available and I did not build up huge expectations that left me feeling hurt when they weren't met. All of this happened because of energy work I have done and grace from God, trust me this is not something I could have ever done alone.
The forgive father one was pretty neat too how I was inspired to call him and leave him a message and say Happy Fathers Day, that was set up months in advance as I said when I was home visiting and he was in the newspaper! See how marvelously wonderfully everything fits together?
And the don't take things personally, well there were many opportunities to learn that one along my path but I suppose the biggest one was with Victor and the boundary setting and all. We actually saw each other yesterday at mass and went out to breakfast after and talked. He said see isnt this lovely how we get along now? and you look happy and well I am much happier with our friendship now and I must admit so am I. It wasn’t about me at all, it was about him needing to go off and do his own work and what he needed also.

He did help me to identify my next area of myself that I need to work on, the anger that I have inside of me from all the emotional abuse I suffered from my mother and my husband, and believe it or not now even from my son. He told me how I had hurt him when I got angry because I perceived he was hurting me and I said I know and I am sorry. I know there is much stuffed in there. When you are a child and your mom screams at you or you are a young married woman with small kids and your husband screams at you, and both of them are mentally ill you learn to keep your mouth shut and take it or you get yourself hurt, and sometimes physically hurt. But all that holding back and repressing builds a pressure cooker inside you, and even though I have found my faith and I practice spiritual stuff there was more deep deep deep that needs healing. That’s my next step on my journey.

Another point he made yesterday was that if I REALLY loved myself I never would have let anyone treat me that way, especially how the issues with my son right now are holding me a bit hostage. He said because you haven’t had clear examples of what loving yourself looks like you don't even know what it is. Ask yourself what does loving yourself look like? Describe it, define it, paint a picture of it. How do you love yourself? I couldn’t answer! So I said let me get back to you on this one.......he laughed at me like he always does (i want to smack him like I always do) LOL But I had to admit he made a point. I recalled how during my relationship with my ex-BF I would get upset and he’d say don’t be sad I love you and my reply was I just am not sure that you do I don’t FEEL it and I realize I don’t feel it because I don’t fully know what it does feel like, no one taught me that. I have to reach out to my heavenly father and ask him to show me what love really feels like, and I have to allow myself to take down my walls so that I can. Walls do protect us but they also keep us from things.

So after we parted I drove down to the area that I think I want to move to when my house sells, Mary said that I should go down there and keep putting my energy there. I did notice though that the streets were narrow as my friend said, and when I parked my car in the park and walked down near the water I noticed that the beach area was fenced off and a sign was up saying lead poisoning danger. I was like wow this can't be the right place for me to move! But I then recalled how when I first thought of this area I recalled that there are a few gentlemen’s clubs and I said to God then are you sure this is where I should go? And he said yes, because I want you to heal the area, your presence will bring healing there. So it suddenly dawned on me! I am also meant to help heal the waters there! This is why I am drawn to water so much, stones are great holders of the Reiki energy that I channel but water is a conduit! If I can get the energy to the water it can spread far and wide! I had an SpiritStone in my pocket that I intended to leave there and I tossed it off into the bay. It is my intention to go there every Sunday and do the same and send out my wishes to move to this area. I am a healer, that is my calling here on this planet at this time, I must go where I am asked and I must heal where/who/whatever I am asked to help heal..

But first I must finish healing myself; this job is my biggest assignment yet so I have to be in tip top shape! I also must love myself fully and totally first before I can share and give love to another person , before my perfect mate can come be with me .........now I must do my homework and answer the question: How do I love myself?

Stay tuned..........(you can do this one along with me too BTW)

With Love and in the Light, Cassie

Make You Feel My Love by Adele
To Make You Feel My Love

PS: Oh and late last night my ex-BF sent me a picture of the place he and I had lunch the day we were out on the motorcycle/car in the rain adventure up in Vermont. He’s not gone, just on a path of his own right now……I am praying for his healing as well so that he can believe in and trust my love, weather we end up together or now I still want him to be able to FEEL my love